I was reading the battalion the other day and there were two articles that caught my eye.  The first was about an ex-marine talking about how the "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy for homosexuals in the military was discrimination.  The second article told a story about a guy that walked into whataburger with a kkk tattoo on his arm and what a horrible thing it was that discrimination still exists in America.  The author of the second article used the word haunting multiple times when describing racism and it's continuance in this country.  These articles were fine I suppose, addressing topics that are on the minds of many Americans.  I realized though, these articles are easy to write, and ultimately selfish.  "Hmmm I want to write an article that people will read, how about racism or discrimination?? People will read that!"  Honestly though, at this point I am feeling like it is beating a dead horse.  You want to help people?? You want to see a haunting story?? Look into a kids eyes who's parents abuse or neglect them.  Stop telling the world about tattoos that made you feel bad and go do something productive.  ok.. the end.

All day today I was thinking about what I might write here.  I sit down in front of the computer with my relaxing music and I forget everything that I might have thought earlier.  I may have thought to write about my current state in life or just highlights, maybe a general overview if you will.  What does that really do for the reader?  I don't know.  I don't especially find writing a great method of relaxation or venting.  What does this do for me? I don't know.  I have do though, have some odd urge to tell the world that I am doing really good.  Sure there are some bumps in the road, maybe even mountains, but that is okay because we aren't alone.  I was riding my bike from shivers back to my house, which takes a while.  On the way I was thinking about all the things that I have to do as soon as I get back.  I am behind on my reading it, and I know it.  It bothers me about as much as owing someone money, which really bothers me.  A car passed me and the windows were down, this little kid in the front seat turns as they pass and gives me the biggest smile.  I have no idea why there was any need to smile, but I smiled back, and felt about a thousand times better.  Through that kid, God gave me joy and made it all better.  I don't know how others perceive me, and that doesn't matter.  I hope that I can pass that smile on to someone else though.  soo this is thought A, on to thought B.

I have to watch my mouth I have decided.  Or God decided and let me know.  The power of words are great and immeasurable.  Words are like fire.  They can provide warmth and comfort, building others up.  Or they can cause total and complete destruction.  That scares me a lot.  I don't know how all of my words have affected people, but this constant reminder that I am getting is something sent from Him I am sure.    I hope any and all of those that read this are having an amazing day, walking hand in hand with Him.  Really, is there any other way to live?

Wake up find I'm in a hole,
I wonder what happened to control,
At least I'm not all alone,
Oh what a, Sweet life it is.
Oh what a , Sweet life it is.

I know that He's got my back,
from morning 'till I hit the sack.
He's always there,
Oh what a, Sweet life it is.
Oh what a, Sweet life it is.

That is the little song that me and my campers week eleven sang, every night before they went to bed, and before every Bible study. He's has always got our back, and those little young men understood that. When I sit down to write these blogs, I start with an idea and then I ramble I feel like, so here goes nothing.

God loves me. I know this. If you know God, then you know this. Because he loves me, I have the responsibility to love others, and there is only one way I know of to do that, and that is to, in some way, convey the message of Christ to others. Recently I have had a lot of opportunities to tell people about Christ. I find that the more I say His name to people, the more I want to tell others. It seems as though every time I go to starbucks to get tea, I tell someone about Him. Sometimes I get nervous when I am about to lead into the "Jesus" discussion. But if I don't tell them, who will? Am I going to leave the responsibility of the great commission to others? umm... no. This thought really makes me ask myself, if I don't love this person, who will? I begin to look at all my responsibilities in life and ask myself this question, who is it that will take my place if I don't do it? Most often, when it comes to loving the unlovable, or reaching out to someone, I find that I don't know who will come into their lives to love them or tell them about Christ. I cannot live with that answer. God gave us the beautiful sunrise, he gave us the stars, he gave us eyes to behold the majesty that He has created, isn't a shame that we sometimes miss that? Likewise, he gave us a heart, isn't a shame that we sometimes don't use it? We must love, in any way that we can. He loves us, and I pray that He may use me to love others.

As I walk, to the other side of my life,
I can feel the broken road that I am on.
There's no light, shining down on this street,
but I hear His voice calling out to me.

"Come home today
Come home today"
And I know that I'm
Souly broken here,
so I say,
I'm coming home today.

I am becoming something more. I do not know what His plan is, but I feel Him working inside of me. My heart can now feel. Unlike the emotional disconnect that used to give me some ounce of comfort, this inability to shut off is difficult, and it comes with a responsibility. Feeling is not a weakness, it is about becoming more passionate. There are things that I want, and I am willing to wait for, or fight for. If He tells me to step forward I hope I leap. Patience has been a hard lesson to learn, for the battle against self never ends. Tomorrow will be anxious for itself, why do I need to be?

So, this week, wow. God has given me opportunities to grow in Him, and for that I thank him.
I had midterms for my world literature class. . .bleh but it went pretty good. Then I found out today that my aunt has a tumor in her liver. . and they don't think she is going to last very long. It has hit me pretty hard, but it helped me realize something. We must maximize the time that we have. There are people that we need to love on and pour into, there are opportunities for so many things, and so often I let them slip by without even thinking about it. When it comes time for me, I want to know I did all I could through Him. Anyhoo in the midst of all this I wrote some songs, they aren't done but here are the lyrics for them.

I stand alone,
staring darkness in the face,
I can feel it there,
in the empty space,

The boatman's call,
it is in my heart,
I can feel it echo there,
in the empty part,

I know love will find me,
in the sweet, sweet sunrise,
but to find it there,
I'll have to open up my eyes

My sight grows cold,
learning how to see,
There are no more colors here,
only you and me.

I know love will find me,
in the sweet, sweet sunrise,
but to find it there,
i'll have to open up my eyes.

Song number 2

Take a picture
And stay a while
A thousand words
It says so much

Hold the moment
And breath it in
Keep it close,
It’s gone again

Live to love
For God above
And don’t forget
He’s right here

I hear Him call my name
I hear Him call my name
Don’t be scared
For He’s right there,
He’s holding all the weight,
I’m going home today
I'm going home today

Randomness

I was looking up a word in the concordance of my bible, and I words that began with "e" started hitting me. .so I wrote this little dilly and I don't know if makes any sense to anyone but me. . but here goes:

As I eloquently embrace the empowerment given to me, I realize the empty end I would be caught in without you Lord. Your encouragement enables me to endure earnestly within your mighty power. The enemies that enslaved my soul are exposed as you enlighten me with your eternal exhaltation. Entertaining the thought of giving my life to you, while enticed by your spirit, the envy of a godly love consumed me, leaving me only with the option of entrusting my heart eternally to yours. There is no equal that can equip me with an escape from sin while establishing an everlasting joy and love to be an example to others. I exist only in expectation of the return of you, Lord, encompassed in eternal glory.

No more camp? What?

This week has been interesting. I had to leave pine cove early, definitely against my own will. It was really difficult leaving. I have gotten to know some amazing people while at camp. I just hope the Lord will call me to go back next year. Classes started yesterday, and they are awesome. I am taking intercultural communications and world lit. The objectives of both professors are very similar, making it easy to be in the correct mindset for class. The comm class is definitely a junior level course... me just transfering in.... I hope it is not over my head. They class and material seem easy enough, but the prof hasn't given any notion of what we are supposed to study or look for.. This is my first blog. . kind of odd talking to nobody.. anyhoo, I am excited for this weekend!! Back to pine cove for a night, then back to school.. poopy I know, but what can I do? Sidenote- I just learned ruin me by jeff johnson and I am way excited about it.